One step forward, half a step back...

...but when only two weeks ago you basically couldn't walk, any steps are progress!

This past week or so has been yet another one full of ups and downs. That pretty much comes with the territory even after the most straightforward births (or so I'm told; I've not personally experienced anything close to straightforward when it comes to delivering either of my children!) Hormones and recovery make for a fairly intense few weeks - or more - without the added fun of any extra complication. And as everyone knows by now, we've had our fair share of complications!

As I look at how far we've come in just twenty six days though I can't help but thank God over and over. Yes I'm still in pain and no I don't feel ready to re-enter the world fully but my goodness I'm better than I was. People who were around us in those first ten days or so will agree, I'm sure, that the thought of me getting around the house - up and down the stairs, in and out of the shower - on my own by the three week mark was impossible. And yet this past week, half term week no less, I spent four days taking care of both beautiful boys in the house by myself. Vianney's managers were amazing in allowing him to work from home for a few days the first week he returned from paternity leave but this week he went back into the office properly - and we all survived!

Some days were more "successful" and ran more smoothly than others but that's life at the best of times! There may have been evenings where tears flowed and painkillers were popped but there was also a day where I made dinner for us all and hung washing out. And such a day warranted a celebratory magnum (the ice cream variety!) These are the things I'm thanking God for. Watching Vianney do literally everything in the house the last few weeks has been so frustrating so the fact I am starting to be able to contribute again is wonderful.

I would be a liar if I said I'm alright though. I still well up instantly when someone wants to talk about Reuben's birth, it's too raw. I still get cross with myself that my body is letting us all down again. (Unsurprisingly no one is letting me get away with that thinking). I am currently on antibiotics all over again due to more complications and the effect that they have on Reuben via my milk isn't fun. I guess these are the "half steps back" I'm referring to. Nobody said it was going to be easy; in fact they said it would take far longer than it has to reach where we currently are. And call it what you will but I know it's our God carrying us. I have a scan on the injury area tomorrow and I'm really believing that the doctors will be surprised at the extent of recovery so far. Jesus heals and I am excited for him to complete what He's started, just like He always has done!